Reconnecting with a Lost Love

What it took for me to reignite the spark of an old passion

As you might have gathered from my last post, I’ve been thinking long and hard about how I spend my time lately. I’m trying to do more of what I love every day: reading, writing, playing music, watching movies, seeing friends. The aim is to be creative, make progress and find peace as often as possible, which seems to be working so far. Trying new things is another focus of mine at the moment, but I’ve also revisited some old favourites.

And one of my deepest passions that I keep returning to is music.

Please forgive the misleading title, although that’s honestly how it feels when I find my groove again after remaining dormant for so long. Bet it got you to open this though, didn’t it? I’ve had many interests and hobbies over the years, with certain outlets for different emotions and ideas. Songwriting, however, has always been the most versatile and fulfilling medium of expression for me. If only there was a career in wordplay…

Like many people, I often get ideas when I’m driving, having a shower or waiting in line. In other words, inspiration tends to strike when I’m on autopilot. I don’t often sit down with the intention of writing lyrics, it just happens. As a result, I usually write a stanza at a time until I have the draft of a whole song before I even make or find a beat for it. This isn’t entirely a bad thing, as the songs are more refined albeit dated by the time they see the light of day.

But it also means that my releases are few and far between, especially when you factor in outsourced production and engineering costs. Most artists write their lyrics to music, which has usually been the faster method in my experience, yet I spent my 10,000 hours analysing internal rhyme schemes and syllable counts instead of learning an instrument or familiarising myself with a DAW (I still produce in FL Studio and record in Reaper).

Amity circa 2016. Recording my third mixtape, Illiterature.

Strangely, this passion seems to come and go in waves. But when I pick it up again, I’m reminded of how much I enjoy it. Of course, the catch here is that I’m usually out of practice when the drive hits, so I need to warm up to it first. Even my listening habits follow this trend. I’ve gotten into Grieves and Loyle Carner recently, which probably explains this sudden desire to get back into the lab and will most likely inform my taste on the next project.

One of my favourite things about music is how a certain song, album or artist can take you back to a specific time in your life. I love being able to reflect on my adolescence when writing on the bus with Illy in my headphones and laying on my bed while flipping through the liner notes of a Horrorshow CD. It always brings a smile to my face when I catch myself rapping along to a banger that I haven’t heard in years and remembering all the words.

It’s poignant moments like this that make me wish I had stuck with it when I was younger and really made a go of it. I certainly had the passion and ambition to go far, at least in the local scene. There’s a reason that the opening track of my debut album is called “Dreamchaser”. But life pulled me in other directions and my confidence waned with each passing year. Nonetheless, I still loved making music and kept coming back for more.

My family and friends have always been very supportive of my work and for that I’m forever grateful. But I also know that they’re biased and you shouldn’t seek criticism from those whom you wouldn’t go to for advice. While my day ones are extremely generous and I value their feedback, they’re not exactly my target audience, nor are they in the music industry. I needed to be receptive to what the right people were saying in order to grow as an artist.

I’m (mostly) proud of the music that I’ve made, but I know it’s not the best that it could be. I had the itch again about a year ago, so I took two weeks off work to track some vocals at home with beats that I had made. The plan was to make a bunch of demos then choose the best ones to workshop and re-record as singles for release this year. But I decided that, while I was happy with the lyrics, the beats just weren’t at the same level due to my limited production skills.

So, I bit the bullet and reached out to one of my favourite producers, Cam Bluff, last week to ask if he had any beats for sale. I didn’t expect a reply given how in demand he is. Besides, why should he waste his time on a nobody like me? Cam has worked with most of my biggest influences – Illy, Hilltop Hoods, Bliss n Eso – and I’ve always emulated his signature style of boom bap drums over contemporary electronics. But what did I have to lose?

To my surprise, he replied straight away with enthusiasm and sent me some beats to peruse! Thirteen-year-old Dylan was losing his mind – and I’ll admit that I did do a few fist pumps when I saw it. After some emails back and forth with timid requests for minor changes, we settled on a few that I really vibed with and the deal was done. As for how much it set me back, let’s just say that these had better be the best damn songs that I’ve ever made.

The coolest part is that Cam could have completely ignored me and deemed an artist in the early stages of their career an unworthy distraction. But he didn’t. Like me, he took a chance and chose to help me out after I professed my admiration for his work. I’ve written more bars in this past week than I have in the whole year prior to our exchange. I might not be ready to kick it with the big cats just yet, but I’m using this as an incentive to bring my A-game.

“Music is my Zen, my remedy/

My life, my closest friend, my therapy.”

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should aim high and take a risk for what you love. If you fall short, just pick yourself back up again and keep on fighting for that dream of yours. I’m not expecting to suddenly see success from a few dope beats, but I do know that whatever I put out next will be my proudest achievement – even if nobody hears it. To say that I’m reinvigorated would be an understatement.

New Amity is on the way!