Reliable Routines or Harmful Habits?

I’m beginning to question if my regimented lifestyle is benefiting me anymore

I’m back at work now after nearly three weeks off and it’s kinda disconcerting how quickly I’ve reverted to my old ways. It took a minute to shake the brain fog of holiday mode, but that creeping sense of dread has slowly settled into the back of my mind again. Isn’t it funny how we pepper these little breaks throughout the year so that we can really live? I’m fast-approaching ten years at my current job and I promised myself that I would take my long-service leave to travel then find a new one. I want to do something fulfilling that I can make a career out of, but I’m drawing a blank. Any suggestions?

My friend and I got back from Tassie last week and we both loved it. Thankfully, our final day was the coldest (it was a high of 3^oC in Launceston). I spent way more than I anticipated – mostly on books; I read three down there – and ate far too much. But it was a nice getaway to some of the country’s oldest towns that felt strangely familiar having grown up in regional Victoria. The highlight of the trip was undeniably the Port Arthur Historic Site, although feeding echidnas at Platypus House in Beauty Point was a close second. I’ll definitely be going back, but maybe during summer next time.

While I was away, my schedule was very flexible without the ebb and flow of daily life to keep me on course. Usually, this lack of direction and control would stress me the fuck out, but I’m getting better at relaxing these days and it was a welcome change of pace. Something I noticed was how calm I felt just going with the flow – yes, I’m milking the sailing analogies for all they’re worth – and actively not making any solid plans. We had a general itinerary of what to do, when and where, but we took our time with it and just did whatever we felt like on the day, which surprisingly did wonders for my anxiety.

I wasn’t checking my phone every half hour unless it was for directions or to let people know that we had made it to the next place. I didn’t journal each morning unless I had something to say and I only read in the evening if I knew that I could keep my eyes open. I only had a second coffee – I’m strictly down to two a day – if I actually wanted it and I tried a different local whisky almost every night. Shout out to the Cascade Brewery for the free taste test. I even bought most of my meals and stayed up well past my bedtime, which is earlier than I care to admit.

This may not sound very adventurous to most people, but those who know me will understand how out of character it is. If a week in the Apple Isle taught me anything, it’s that I don’t actually need my precious routines to function properly, which hasn’t always been the case.

Layers for days at Port Arthur Historic Site.

But now that I’m home again, I’m back to religiously checking my socials, journalling each day like clockwork and craving another coffee soon after my lunch of an apple and a peanut butter sandwich. It’s easy to convince ourselves that we can splurge a little when we’re on holiday because it’s not a regularity (and we generally budget for it), but why should we save it for rare occasions? As Oscar Wilde famously said: “Everything in moderation, including moderation.” I’m beginning to wonder if discipline should be practised only when it serves a purpose, not just because it’s how I’ve always done things.

I guess it all comes down to money – for most people, anyway. Of course, working full-time with children and a mortgage obviously limits one’s freedom. Besides, it helps to have enough aside at all times for any unforeseen expenses that may arise, like mechanical costs or medical emergencies. But we can reach a compromise between what we want and what we need by offsetting dread with joy. It’s the same reason that I take myself out for breakfast before I do my grocery shopping every week. And the best way to disrupt this mundane sense of order is with every rigid agenda’s worst enemy: spontaneity.

You can’t plan it and you can’t always prevent it, but it’s good to just do something for the fun of it every now and then. Last week I wanted to go to the nearby wetlands for a walk (and some lowkey birdwatching) only to discover that they were closed for the day, so I went for a drive to the mountains instead. On the way home, I took a detour to the beach and walked along the foreshore to make the most of the beautiful weather. I just got in the car and drove around to see what took my fancy. Had I tried this before the holiday, I probably would have stayed home and sulked all day.

My beloved Suttons Beach at Redcliffe.

I create rules and routines for a number of reasons. Mainly to provide structure and hold myself accountable, but also to clear my head and save money. However, after seeing the positive effects of straying from them, perhaps some have become unhealthy habits over time and are actually inhibiting my growth. What once saved me is now a kind of chore and even a source of anxiety, similar to the lost pastimes of my youth. So, I’ve been asking myself, what’s the worst thing that could happen if I don’t do this? Every decision comes with an opportunity cost; it’s just a matter of which one I’m more prepared to pay.

I used to worry that I would forget to do things. Like, a lot. It once got so bad that I was setting alarms to remind myself to hang the washing and put the bins out. The funny thing is, I relied on these systems I had created – alarms, memos, diaries, sticky notes, whiteboards – to help me remember for so long that they were ingrained in me as forces of habit. I didn’t trust myself without them until I realised that I was getting shit done even though I had forgotten to leave reminders. Now, I find that I’m more present as a result because all of the minutiae of daily life is automated to allow for intention.

Of course, some routines are more important than others. Exercising and brushing my teeth, for example, are non-negotiables. Reading and writing every day also makes me a better writer, so I’ll keep doing that in some capacity, just not at set times or for certain periods. But I’m going to experiment with relying on my intuition more and see if I can recapture the calm that I found while on holiday before I lose it completely. I want to make each day a little more exciting and unpredictable and have faith in my ability to adapt. I’ve done it before, so surely I can do it again.

Maybe I’ll stop in at a bakery for a sweet treat when I have somewhere to be, or perhaps I’ll take the long way home from work and stargaze before making dinner. Hell, I could even call in sick and go see a movie instead if I really wanted to (though I probably shouldn’t). The possibilities are endless! It’s about time that I take some agency, throw my calendar out the window and invite some chaos into my life. Besides, if I don’t read that post or play that song today, I know that they’ll still be there tomorrow. My body will know what to do, even if my mind is racing ahead or lagging behind.

I’m listening to my heart more than my head lately and it sounds a little something like happiness.