I Hope You Hate Me

A collection of poetry that I wrote after a breakup in 2020

Don’t let the title deter you - it’s the name I’ve given to a collection of poetry that I wrote after a breakup in 2020, just as the pandemic hit. I also used the same title for a concept album with a similar theme that I made and never released when I moved in with friends shortly afterwards. The statement is a shameful defence mechanism that made it easier to move on when I still had confusing feelings for the person I wrote these poems for/about.

I’ve always created art to make sense of difficult situations and this particular breakup was a steep learning curve in my early twenties. I became good friends with resentment and depression, although the relationships were about as healthy as the one that I chose to end. Fortunately, my ex and I are quite civil nowadays - largely out of necessity - and I’ve matured a lot since the event in question, or so I’d like to think.

After listening to Darby Hudson’s podcast Blah Di Da every day for the last couple weeks, I wanted to go back through some of my own poetry and pick it up again. I haven’t shared any in a while, so I thought that I’d select my favourites from this period and publish them here to give them a second lease on life. Who knows, perhaps they could comfort somebody who might be going through a similar experience.

Fire Extinguisher

You are my
fire extinguisher.

I keep you close
in case of emergency,
but I don’t know
if I’ll ever need you.

I have you around for show
so others can see you
and think that I’m thoughtful.

Like shiny décor,
you stand out
and blend in
at the same time.

You can put out fires,
but when I pull the pin
I can use you again and again.

---

Til Death

If you kill me in the name of love,
is it fair to say I would die for you?

---

Sudden Surrender

The day we stopped fighting
was the day that I realised
we had nothing left to fight for.

---

Window Pain

You saw through my eyes
to the pain in my soul
while I looked at yours
and only saw myself.

---

Benefit of the Doubt

It’s funny how
some of the wisest decisions
of your life
can feel like you’re making
a terrible mistake.

---

Congratulations

Is my happiness worth less than yours?
just might be
the most painful thing
that I’ve ever heard.

---

Safe

You and I
were a bad combination
to a safe
full of hazardous chemicals.

---

Open Heart Perjury

They say a heart cannot lie
and an idea cannot die;
Though the brain will always try,
true love we cannot deny.

---

Magnetic

My thoughts get away from me,
but they always come back to you.

---

The Contract

This is a formal agreement to the terms and conditions of engaging in emotional relations (the Contract) between you (the End User) and the issuer of this statement (the Body).

Please read carefully and agree to the below before proceeding:

-	The End User will provide adequate physical affection and sufficient emotional support in a timely manner.
-	The End User will be available for all business proposals including, but not limited to: private events, public outings, social gatherings, and living arrangements.
-	The Body reserves the right to reprimand the End User for any misconduct in whichever way they deem fit.
-	The End User accepts full responsibility of any and all possible outcomes.
-	The End User will not release any defamatory information should a breach of the Contract occur.
-	The Contract may be terminated at any time by the Body without prior notice.
-	The Body cannot be held liable for any damages caused by a breach of the Contract.

If the End User agrees to enter into the Contract with the Body, please sign and date the following statement.

I, __________, hereby consent to engage in emotional relations with the Body as of __/__/____. I have read and understand the above terms and conditions and will uphold these values to the best of my ability.*

* Terms and conditions subject to change.

---

All is Fair

I may have lost the war with love,
but I would rather raise a red flag
than wave a white one.

---

Face Value

She tells me
to take her words
at face value,
but her mouth
is always deadpan
when she speaks.

I love you
is as empty as
I don’t know.

---

With a Passion

If love is blind,
then heartfelt hate
is such a sorry sight.

---

Draw

I let you in
I let you win
but now that I’m gone
it’s your loss

---

Final Words

Love is a victory speech for an epitaph.

---

Eyes for You

You could never
see before me,
but I’ll always
look after you.

---

Without You Within Me

I am lighter
I am brighter
I am kinder
I am kinda
less untrue
and more free
without you
within me