My 5 Rules for Being Better

Non-negotiables that get me closer to who I want to be

Welcome to your Wednesday Fix at The Drip Tray: A weekly dose of inspiration and reflection to keep you focused, like a philosophical espresso.

---

Let me preface this by making clear that I don’t believe in a simple set of “rules” that will transform anybody who follows them. I’m not a self-help guru or life coach for one and, at the tender age of 27, I’m well aware that I still have a lot to learn. This is purely based on what I’ve discovered from my own experience and the teachings of others, so hear me out!

Now that we’ve got that disclaimer out of the way, I want to share some of the habits, mindsets, and approaches that have helped me on my journey to being a better person. It’s something that most of us strive for, but what does it mean exactly? Is it picking up rubbish and donating to charity? Or is it simpler than that, through being honest and supportive? Maybe it’s best to begin by looking inside ourselves.

Common sense is a good place to start, like treating others how you want to be treated and recognising that the world doesn’t owe you anything. But generic advice and catchy proverbs can only do so much. It’s a cruel fact of life that the hardest yet most effective way to learn is by making mistakes. We don’t change until we see how our actions have hurt us, even at the expense of others, and want to avoid it happening again. You can only blame so much on external factors before you realise that the common denominator is you.

I’ve learned a lot from great modern thinkers like Mark Manson, James Clear, Shane Parrish, Tim Ferriss, and Jordan B. Peterson. (I strongly suggest subscribing to their weekly newsletters and YouTube channels for accessible wisdom and journalling prompts.) Much of my personal philosophy is an amalgamation of their theories and values, which they adopted from somebody else. So, I can’t take full credit for these rules of mine. Also, the number is arbitrary; five just seemed like a good number for the purpose of this post.

1. Be kind to yourself

We learn more from our failures than we do from our successes. If we continuously get told – or tell ourselves – that we’re doing a great job, we settle for the average instead of unlocking our full potential. This suggests that there’s no room for improvement, which leads to stagnation, as constant flattering actually stunts personal growth. In order to develop our skills, we need to be aware of (but not fixate on) our flaws. Learning how to accept criticism is one of the most useful tools at your disposal in keeping your ego in check, my friend.

On the other hand, don’t beat yourself up for your shortcomings! This used to be a bad habit of mine, then I woke up to the counterintuitive nature of making self-deprecating comments instead of actually doing something about it. And if it’s out of your control, you shouldn’t worry about it. Like I said, it’s okay to make mistakes. In fact, I encourage it. People are attracted to confidence, or at least those with self-respect, so back yourself and others will, too. Just don’t do anything that you’ll regret later, which is harder than it sounds.

2. Be productive with your time

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: being busy is not the same as being productive. I learned this too late and have burned myself out, multiple times, taking on more projects than I could handle while working full-time. Busyness is a form of distraction from what really matters and, though I’m known to use this as a coping mechanism, can be an unhealthy one. Work smarter, not harder, by narrowing your focus rather than spreading yourself thin between too many things. The most efficient timesaving tool is simply saying no.

As an artist, I need time to give the art my full attention. But creativity can be draining, so therefore occasionally doing nothing is necessary to recharge. The Happy Half-Hour method is a great way to simultaneously relax and prepare for the day. However, it’s just as important to socialise and nurture healthy relationships. Replenish the well within by giving the people whose time you value most some of your own. We’re only here for an infinitesimal amount of time, so spend it wisely. Do what you love, with whom you love, as often as possible.

3. Be the change that you want to see

It’s cliché because it’s true. If you want a situation to improve, play your part by setting an example and being a role model for those who look up to you. The ripple effect of your actions influences your immediate circle, which in turn reaches a wider range of people. When you go out of your way to help a stranger, or stand up for what you believe in, it says something about who you are as a person. While parents have the vital responsibility of instilling the next generation with wisdom from experience, it takes a village to raise a child.

On that note, it’s important to be mindful of any platform that you may have, personal or professional, and ensure that you’re communicating the intended message. Partly due to the indelible nature of the internet, but also because the entire world is connected now. You’ve got to watch what you say when anybody can take it out of context and use it against you. But it starts in the home. My parents taught me how to love and work hard, while living with friends positively impacted my diet and spending habits. Now I share the lessons with you!

4. Be gently honest

Brutal honesty can be hurtful, but gentle honesty can be transformative. Of course, sometimes being blunt is necessary to hear a painful truth or call out poor behaviour, but there’s a time and a place for it. I’ve found that considerate confrontation is a powerful form of progress. I guess that’s what constructive criticism is now that I think of it. Sincerity will always take you further than politeness, which I explored in a previous post on how being nice is not the same as being kind. Ask for forgiveness, not permission – most will thank you for it.

My most honest thoughts have always been the best received. As I’ve said before, the personal is the universal. If you’re uncomfortable, make it known. If you’re struggling, tell somebody. If you’re disappointed, explain why. Try to improve your argument before you simply raise your voice – or worse, say nothing at all. A scream is just noise, but it’s hard to ignore a whisper. I’m not saying that you should sugarcoat bitter pills to give them a taste of their own medicine. Just have conversation and practise patience to get your point across.

5. Be open to new ideas

This is my newest and most challenging rule, which ties in with my first and third rules about failure and change. I confessed my guilty pleasures of enjoying the most popular works of art in a recent post and explained how it comes with a certain shame. But it’s easier to die on the hill that what you love is the best that there ever was or ever will be, a narrow mindset which can be applied to almost anything. Now that my tastes have matured and I’ve mellowed with age (ha-ha), I’m less judgemental and more accepting than I used to be.

Intolerance is limiting and prejudice is toxic. The most successful businesses are those that are receptive to feedback and adapt to change by empowering freethinkers. By experiencing something before you make a decision about it, you have a chance to learn and grow. This is how countries with progressive governments have legalised same sex marriage, banned the use of plastics, and introduced four-day work weeks. Besides, I would never have discovered July Talk if I hadn’t asked strangers for music recommendations on Substack.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from perfect and I don’t believe that I’m better than anybody else. I just wanted to share the rules that I choose to live by in case they might help you, too. So, for the purpose of self-discovery, consider this as more of a guide to making your own. I only want to contribute to society in my own way and try to do good in the world. Maybe someday what I write will be enough. Until then, I can only try to be better.